Friday, April 25, 2008

“Exterminate! Exterminate!”

Attention Rob Nicholson: Respectfully submitted, here’s the perfect solution to address the Conservatives’ ever-pressing concerns about Canada’s menacing urban crime problem!

Imagine the benefits of having small armies of radio-controlled “Bumbots” vigilantly patrolling the streets of Toronto, Vancouver and Montreal. This innovative crime-fighting device, with a proven track record of frightening off crack-addled junkies, homeless losers, and all manner of suspicious human refuse would be an invaluable addition to the CPC’s efforts to make our streets safer for “People who work hard, pay their taxes, and play by the rules”… Moreover, just think how much fun it would be scaring the living shit out of these scofflaw social wastrels — barking out incomprehensible commands in a blaring electronic (“Dalek”) voice, unexpectedly blinding them with spotlights and then recording their horrified reactions on live video... Oh, and best of all — remotely pissing on them with a pressurized water cannon.