Meet Brandon Rosario

Remember that name because, for quite obvious reasons, I suspect we might well be hearing a good deal more from this incredibly amusing and highly talented young fellow in years to come.

But for now, Brandon has caused something of a controversy at girl #3’s school here in Victoria with his sarcastic and somewhat unconventional pitch the other day to become valedictorian. Personally, I thought it was an absolutely brilliant, highly commendable and thoroughly entertaining performance. Alas, it seems not everyone saw it that way. All too predictably, the pettifogging minions of “political correctness” were vaguely concerned by some of the offhand and deliberately challenging remarks he made and now their congealed turd of manufactured outrage has, quite appropriately, landed on the pages of our local dog trainer.

As reported in the Times Colonist “the 17-year-old Belmont Secondary student urging fellow students to vote for him as class valedictorian is being investigated.” According to Sooke school district spokesman Ron Warder, this is being done in order to see “whether or not there needs to be discipline.” Investigated? Discipline? If this proceeds at all it will be amusing in the extreme to discover the precise nature of the offenses alleged to have been committed. It’s understood the matter is being taken “very seriously” by school officials... whatever that means.

“In the back of my mind, I can’t help but worry that all this is going to do is put emphasis on the blind approval of some vacant, empty, middle-brow, shallow speech that we’ve all seen and heard before. You all know the one I’m talking about… where the guy walks slowly across the stage like he’s hot shit, and then gives everyone a brain hemorrhage with some self-satisfying, grandiose statement about life and transition and the pursuit of true happiness. I mean, this is your school… look around.”