Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Canada: Yours to Deplore!

Blogging Tory Women

I wasn’t going to post anything terribly political today in light of the holiday, but just out of curiosity I thought it might be fun to see what the perpetually angry and disenfranchised volk over at “Teh Blogging Tories” were up to on this day of national celebration.

Right on cue, faithful stenographers and utterly predictable wingnut parrots dr. roy and Jonathan Strong regale visitors with Stephen Harper’s thrilling Canada Day video greeting (that’s HM PM to you!). Polly, what a treat! Meanwhile, Gerry Nicholls takes a short break from “making sense” to fire off a spitball at Quebekers with a feeble joke suggesting that the provincial motto “Je me souviens” roughly translates as “We don’t celebrate Canada Day.” Boy, that Gerry… such a card.

Janet, the self-proclaimed “voice of reason” at the imaginatively named “Liberty is Good” draws inspiration from a group in Alabama that wants to “free the hops!” in order to rail at length against “governments’ stubborn dismissal of any attempts to liberalize alcohol sales laws.” After all, she concludes, “What would seem more Canadian than to celebrate July 1st with a trip to the grocery store to pick up some meat for the BBQ and a six pack or some coolers for the fridge?” You know, as opposed to being forced to make an arduous five minute side trip to the local Stalinist Beer Store or LCBO outlet (by the way Janet, we have private liquor stores here in B.C. — and Alberta too!).

The terminally confused individual at “The Canadian Republic” claims to be “fiercely proud of our little Dominion” and relishes the opportunity Canada Day affords him to reflect on the greatness of Canada and “what being a citizen of this country means.” Accordingly, “Fortitudine” boldly states: “I am proud of say [sic] without a moment’s hesitation that I am proud to be Canadian.” Wow! Talk about fearless conviction! But wait, there’s so much more. Being Canadian isn’t just about being proud of being proud of… urgh; it also “signifies a ruthless commitment to freedom and democracy”… Ruthless, I say! As it turns out, all this mawkish tripe is just a circuitous wind-up to decry “David Miller’s crusade against private citizens’ rights to purchase and enjoy the use of firearms.” So take a moment, won’t you to reflect on the “perfectly selfish love” associated with core Canadian values that include the right of everyone to have a gun club in their downtown neighbourhood.

Looking around patronizingly at all the immigrants with their quaint outfits and exotic foods, for some reason “Prairie Tory” just can’t help but think of Mark Steyn and bemoan the reproductive shortcomings of pastey white people like him that will result in the eventual destruction of Canada as we know it once all those fecund Mooslims have overrun the place. In a later post, in which he harks back to the days in which we were still a dominion of the British Empire, Prairie Tory vows continued “resolve to eliminate rackets like the Canadian Human Rights Commissions…” He isn’t alone in this sentiment; it seems to be a rather common theme amongst many of the BTs who are, as we know, quite incensed (here, here, here, and here) about having their ability to freely hatemonger against Mooslims and homosexuals curtailed by a bunch of pettifogging liberal bureaucrats.

Finally, over at “Blue Like You” gutless wonder and passive-aggressive scold “Joanne” weighs in with her usual assortment of “provocative” questions under the clever rubric of “Woe Canada” offering something of a convenient round-up of daily talking points for her gaggle of addlepated hens to peck over. “Are we being forced to be tolerant?” she asks. “Have they [being the dreaded Liberals and their perfidious minions at the HRC, not to mention that shoe-stealing cad Dalton McGuinty] really been successful in changing our thoughts, or are we just too afraid to open our mouths any more?” Joanne wants to know — even though she’s already seemingly answered her own question quite conclusively in the negative.

Well, that’s all I could take of the BTs’ interminable dreariness for one day. I’m sure there are plenty of other atrocities that will be happily documented by the usual suspects. But I’ll leave you with this parting thought from JoJo who, after earnestly beseeching people to “consider how much complacency and fear are threatening to destroy this beautiful country that we hold so dear,” asks with dimestore sincerity, “where is the outrage, Canada?”

Your Blogging Tories, ladies and gentlemen. Even on Canada Day, still a dismal bunch of insufferably boring, painfully tedious wankers — the proverbial Debbie Downers at any party.